Yes, a Warrant for my arrest

 I, Donna Archer, aspiring teacher and graduate student had a warrant out for my arrest. For a moment as I was scanning through the fine print, I felt like a dangerous human being. Images of Dog the Bounty Hunter kicking down my front door while Beth maced my dog ran skittering through my brain. It would be awesome. I would be on T.V. and then they would let me smoke one last cigarette before they sent me to the clink. Sweet.

Actually it really wasn't that serious. I got two sweeper tickets a few weeks ago that I eventually paid (though I admit I took my time, hey I'm a broke student teacher, $90 is a lot of money). It took a kindly visit to my local parking authority to clear things up, and it turns out that my warrant was issued and recalled on the very same day.

I must admit being a 30 second fugitive was kinda cool.

Day 43 - When 8 am means sleeping in

Sorry I've been a little MIA. Last week was ridiculously crazy what with working on my portfolio, creating tests, lovely weather and warrants out for my arrest by the time I got home using my brain to write anything remotely sensical (not a word, but work with me people!) was completely out of the question.

This week the HS has decided to work off an amended testing schedule. Which is awesome for me because homeroom doesn't start until 10:38am. Sweet! And out of the goodness of his heart, my co-op told me that he didn't want to see me anywhere near the building until the homeroom bell. So, today I gave myself what seems like a rare treat these days. I didn't get out of bed until 8:30am. And it was pure awesomeness.

Updates on warrants and teacher portfolio this afternoon. Until then, Happy Wednesday everyone!

It's story time!

In addition to teaching a US History to a group of sophomores I also get to teach a Global Issues class to a group of seniors and juniors. The name is a bit misleading since the textbook for the course mainly concentrates on domestic issues like health care, drug abuse, civil rights, crime, punishment etc. The catch is that this is a brand new course that has just been introduced to the school that not even my CT has any experience teaching. For the most part, I get the fun and creative job of developing content for the course.

Recently we started a new unit on immigration. So far we've discussed what it means to be an American (take the Chevy to the levy), what an American looks like (all shapes, sizes and colors), and what the country will look like 30 years from now (54% minority groups).

While I was trying to decide what to discuss next I remembered this book from a recent project I did for a class last semester:

A Day's Work by Eve Bunting is the story of a young boy named Francisco and his grandfather who recently came over from Mexico. Abuelo doesn't speak English and it's up to Francisco to translate for him as he tries to find work as a day laborer in California. Francisco and his grandfather eventually do get picked up to work a gardening job for $60 per day but things go terribly wrong when they botch the job. At the end of the day Francisco learns a valuable lesson about honesty and the value of the trugh.

The students on the other hand get an introduction to some of the struggles that new immigrants may face when they first arrive in a new country. Things like not understanding the language and culture of the country can make it difficult to carve out a new life for themselves.

Though it may be a book for children, I've found that older children (including high school students) still enjoy being read to. And often times a simple story can make a complex issue like immigration easier to understand.

Day 35 - Possibly inappropriate classroom discussions

There comes a time in every teacher's classroom life when class discussions can take a jack knife turn onto the streets of inappropriateness.

Take today's classroom discussion for instance. In an effort to explain sectionalism to a group of bored and sleepy teenagers I asked them to think about the town that we live in and come up with some problems that we might face that other towns don't. I've discovered that when attempting to explain intangible and often irrelevant (to their lives at least) history material to teenagers, it's often best to bring it as close to home as possible.

After a few moments of mind churning silence ideas began to emerge from the teenage peanut gallery. 'Gangs' one child cried out, 'low income' said another, 'illegal immigrants, potholes, poor schools' came the volley of replies as their brains warmed and their tongues loosened. And then the class hit pay dirt. 'Whores!' called out a proud voice from the back of the room.

And I can't say it's not true. For the past month or so on one of the top 3 topics of conversation in the teacher's lounge has been the spate of raided houses of ill repute in our little town in New Jersey. The children were hooked. They were eager to talk about whores and drug raids. Because whores and drugs can always be counted on to be more interesting than the War of 1812.

'I heard there was a midget prostitute that was arrested around here too!' piped in a now bright eyed student in the back of the room.

For a split second I questioned the appropriateness of this discussion topic. Was it okay to talk about the brothels since they were current local events? Was I being an irresponsible teacher? Or was it okay because I was attempting to deal with it like a mature adult?

My mind twitched and then my mouth took over. 'I wonder if she was half price?' I replied.

Well, at least now they won't forget what sectionalism is.

Day 30 - Remembering dial-up makes you old

Well folks, according to my students I'm officially old.

Working with high school students is a strange other worldly experience. Mostly because I'm at that point in my teaching career when I'm young enough to relate to my students, but certainly old enough to be their teacher.

Earlier today I was talking to the class about social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace and how they should be mindful of what they put out there online because that information can follow you around to places like college admissions and job interviews.

Anyhoo, somehow that conversation wandered onto the topic of downloading music and whether or not people had an obligation to pay for songs I mentioned Napster (ye olde file sharing site) and dial-up internet. Whoa! The children exclaimed. Dial-up internet? That's ancient! And as I felt the years flash by my eyes and the realization that my life in the early 90's was soooo 10 years ago seep into my pores it dawned on me that in the eyes of teenagers, I am an adult whether I like it or not.

A few moments later as my next class filed in to give their presentations, one of my students proudly handed me a flyer complete with his smiling mug, American flag flying in the background, and the worlds Making the world a better place since 1993 emblazoned in bright colors across the front. Circa 1993 I wondered, what does that mean I asked him. That's when I was born Ms. D, he explained with a shrug and a smile. Oh God, I thought. I remember 1993. It was a great year of 6th grade, Saturday morning cartoons and my first job ever. 

Ah, childhood. So close yet so 10 years ago.

The Wall of Things You Just Can't Make Up

The Monroe Doctrine: Was the autobiography of James Monroe written about himself talking about all the cool stuff he did in his life. Like become President. 

Student: Hey Ms.! Is your husband Cuban?

Teacher: No, (pause and eyebrow lift) he's a martian

Student: That's next to Cuba right?

Literary terms according to my 6th period class:

hyperbole: what happens to you when you drink a lot of coffee

plot: the part of their backyard where the dirt is

symbolism: those people signs that tell you which bathroom belongs to the boys and which belongs to the girls.

climax: the weather in the area, like if its always cold or always hot or mixed. 

Message recently seen on a disciplinarian slip: 

Student left room to f*ck

(apparently this is common behavior in the little patrolled, very empty infamous back stairwell)

Day 29 - Martian is the island next to Cuba

Ah, the high school hallway. As a student this is the site of intensely important conversations about life, death and hook-ups. As a student teacher it's a constant reminder that yes, teaching these children is my job.

I'd like to introduce to you the newest edition to the New Teacher, Now What blog:

THE WALL OF THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T MAKE UP

Where I will share with you the wonderfully absurd things that come out of the high schooler's brain.

Here is my first entry:

Student: Hey Ms.! Is your husband Cuban?
Teacher: No, (pause and eyebrow lift) he's a martian
Student: That's next to Cuba right?

Literary terms according to my 6th period class:
hyperbole: what happens to you when you drink a lot of coffee
plot: the part of their backyard where the dirt is
symbolism: those people signs that tell you which bathroom belongs to the boys and which belongs to the girls.
climax: the weather in the area, like if its always cold or always hot or mixed.

Day 28 - State Tests are so much cooler when you're a teacher

Crikey I'm tired mostly from the endless stream of cookies, cupcakes and brownies I've been collecting from student presentations from working really hard all day on lesson planning and learning how to teach.

I guess I should add this to the list of things I've learned so far.

11. State testing is soo much cooler when you're a teacher. 

From Tuesday through Thursday the students at my high school will be taking the NJ High School Proficiency Assessment or HSPAs. Its a high stakes test that measures proficiency in math and writing and is also known as the high school exit exam.

To my cooperating teaching they are a bit of a joke, since students who don't pass the HSPA are put into an 8 week class and then shoveled out the door. As a student teacher I find them excellent for two reasons. In the first place I don't have to grade them. In the second place I can do my own quiet work while watching their brains steam with exertion.

The other thing is, that sometimes its okay to want to find kids completely and utterly irritating have not so favorite students, the trick is to not show it or treat them differently. And I say this, not in regards to my own students (who are all awesome by the way) but because I just came back from coaching Academic Club and there was a less than cool member on the other team. Okay, so they beat us and I'm a sore loser, but still anyone who says things like:

"Why of course it was thorium, any other answer would have been ludicrous"
and
"It's obvious that this pair of tangent lines will have to have the same symmetry equal to 1/3 x)"

deserves some kind of punch in the face. Anyways.

Another completely awesome thing I learned today is that I'm halfway through student teaching. As I was sitting in the back of the room doing some long-term lesson planning, my co-op was filling out my mid-semester evaluation. Unless I do something completely ridiculous I think I'm looking at a solid A for the course. Sweet!

Now, I'm going to go eat some veggies in an effort to dilute all this extra sugar.

Day 27 - Things I've learned so Far

After a few weeks of student teaching I've come to realize that there is a huuuge difference between substitute teaching and actually teaching a regular class.

Here's what I've learned so far:

1. Assigning students a group project where extras like food are encouraged is a great way to end up eating Oreos and cupcakes for breakfast.

2. DO NOT BREAK THE COPY MACHINE. If you do, try to make sure no one saw you using it last.

3. Delete your Facebook account. Or don't admit to having one, unless you want 75 bazillion friend requests from your students.

4. When student teaching don't say things like "My 2nd period class is awesome, but my 7th period sucks." Because somehow they will find out. Then your grade book will be stolen and your car will get keyed. True story.

5. Don't give tests on Mondays. Generally speaking, blank looks and OMGs is what you'll get.

6. If you have an occasion to say seaman, please enunciate. Sea - man.

7. Getting homework sucks. Grading homework sucks even harder.

8. Do not drink a large cup of coffee the period before your supervisor is scheduled to arrive.

9. Telling personal stories in class is a great way to get the kids interested and give them a chance to get to know you. Telling personal stories about the bar/party/club you went to last weekend is a good way to get in trouble.

10. One day soon this will all be over and I will finally, finally get a job.