I'm not sure when it happened exactly, but I've realized that the quest for my dream teaching job has stopped in its tracks. Halting my job search certainly wasn't a conscious decision. I didn't wake up one morning and say "screw this, this is such a waste of friggin' time," instead I slowly stopped trolling job boards anxiously searching for an opening, a small crack where I can nudge my toe in the door. Perhaps it was that dull, aching roar of silence, but the endless stream of job applications gradually began to lose their appeal. As days merged into weeks of silence, not a peep of acknowledgement my frenzied obssession with filling out forms, checking boxes and the endless monotony of answering the same questions over and over again began to wane.
And then yesterday I got a little reminder of how much my job search had stalled. About a year ago, at the urging of my Dad I started an application with the Hawaii Board of Ed. Their application process requires that each applicant renew their application every year or so (to show that they are still interested in the position I suppose). That little letter was a reminder of just how long I've been searching, without any answers. I guess after a year of fruitless searching (insert Peter Gabriel here) anyone would lose heart.
But let's stay in the positive shall we?
I like my job. But I love working with kids. I love feeding their child-sized brains useful information and helping them grow into adult sized minds.
I read a wonderful book a few years ago, with an amazing story. The Alchemist, by Paulo Coehlo is fable about a young man named Santiago, an Andalusian shepherd who has a recurring dream of traveling to the pyramids in Egypt to find treasure. Santiago encournters an old king who tells him "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." But, once you begin your journey, the universe tests you to make sure that your heart is strong, and your intentions are pure. On the journey to his dream Santiago finds love, opportunity and often disaster. He runs into the old king once more and is told that "Every search begins with beginners luck and ends with the victor's being severly tested."
I suppose there is something to that. When I started my journey to the front of the classroom, things just starrted to fall into place. Being accepted to my first choice graduate program, getting a sub-license, getting my first choice student teaching placement. I guess this stalled job search is just me being tested by the universe, and that I should keep pushing, keep searching until I realize that dream of having my own classroom one day.